Party of 4

I can't write about just one of my baby boys' arrivals, now can I?

Little Guy had been a c-section, so Baby Boy's story starts off with a decision: VBAC or not to VBAC? Some people who end up having c-sections feel robbed of a natural birth experience but I am not one of them --I never felt a burning desire to try for a VBAC. Aside from which, my doctor and his 30 years of baby delivering experience had said that the likely culprit for my first c-section was the size of my pelvis. My anatomy hadn't changed since the first baby so I wasn't optimistic there would be a different result the second time around. Additionally, I had a friend who had tried for a VBAC and ended up having a c-section. She told me how much she regretted even trying for a VBAC in retrospect - how it just added anguish, exhaustion and recovery time to the inevitable for her. I didn't want to make the same mistake.

So a scheduled c-section it was to be then. One of the perks of this was that we had the luxury of picking Baby Boy's birth day. We were given a few days to pick from in the correct time period and we selected 5/4/9. The tipping factor for me -- it's a mathematically correct date! Hubby requested leave from work and my mom bought her plane ticket.

One month before the scheduled c-section Hubby's best friend flew up for a visit. The day of his arrival I ran around doing last minute preparations and in my haste I slipped going down the stairs in our house and fell on my back. My doctor sent me to the hospital to be checked and once there I started having regular contractions and earned myself an overnight stay in the hospital. I remember thinking -- well, if Baby Boy comes today his birthday will still be mathematically correct -- it was 4/5/9. By morning the contractions had stopped, though, and I was discharged.

My mom flew up a week before the c-section. We went on a trip to the zoo while Hubby was at work, but other than that I was all business. With my mom there to watch Little Guy I was finally able to finish getting everything ready for Baby Boy and for the other impending company. My mom kept telling me to sit down and rest but I had too much to do and hardly any time to do it.

On Monday May 4th we checked into the hospital at 9am. This hospital was much nicer than where I had Little Guy, and our room was enormous. I changed into a hospital gown, Hubby changed into scrubs, we signed some paperwork and before I knew it the time had come to go to surgery. That was a shock for Hubby and I - how quickly it was go time. I guess on some level we'd been expecting a long wait since with Little Guy we were at the hospital 23 hrs before I went to c-section.

I walked into the operating room and sat down on the operating table. The spinal sedation was administered (no ringing phones this time) and everything was calmly and methodically being set up around me. Hubby was again right at my side and we were both anxious and excited. My anesthesiologist was a lady this time, and she helped pass our idle time by showing us pictures of her dogs on her cell phone. My doctor and another performed the surgery. The other doctor commented on how thin I had become, how my belly was all baby. (7 months of morning sickness will do that to you!)

The surgery got started and both doctors noted how nicely my last c-section had been done and asked who had performed it. When the time came to remove Baby Boy he did not want to come out. He was up under my rib and I was jerked around on the table while they worked to get him out. But out he came! Like before he went to Hubby first who brought him for me to see. Amazing! Then, like before, off went Hubby and baby while my surgery proceeded. I think I remained conscious this time, though, since I vaguely remember waiting while they worked.

This time I was reunited with my baby much faster, and Hubby and I had some time alone with him. Later in the afternoon my mom brought Little Guy down and we were together as a family for the first time. It wasn't quite ideal -- Little Guy did not want to have anything to do with Baby Boy and wouldn't even look at him! Little Guy just wasn't prepared for the expansion. He focused very hard on his toys and tried to pretend Baby wasn't there. A few days at home together brought Little Guy around, but in the beginning he just wasn't into it!

We were now a family of 4. There would be challenges ahead but our hearts were filled with joy and love.

the war with my rack...aka breastfeeding

we're combo (breast + formula) feeding because once again i have low milk supply. sometimes i feel like throwing the towel and just formula feeding. usually though i feel like we're just *so* close to telling formula to take a hike.

most of the time i feel strongly committed to sticking with at least some breastfeeding until the 6 month mark. sometimes i wonder if that is really whats best i mentally picture that cliche kitten poster "hang in there!" all too often.

late night fun

well tonight i'm up too late, feeling nostalgic and remembering my wedding on the eve of our 3rd anniversary. i'm also feeling contractions, but have been assured that BabyTwo is just toying with me and will not be arriving a moment before his scheduled c-section on monday.

ironically, after weeks of anxious anticipation now that the big day is almost here i'd really be ok if Babytwo wanted to stay put for a while longer. i like sleeping at night. really.

i just can't believe it's almost here. it seems like i blinked and now this pregnancy is almost over. in actuality i know there was about as much puking as there was blinking, and i know those days passed slowly.

but wow. soon, very soon, we will no longer be 3, but a family of 4. wow.

sometimes...

sometimes when i'm looking at or handling baby stuff i see a flash of Babytwo, all new and tiny. it makes me yearn (more than usual) to hold my littlest guy and see him longer. and it makes me cry a little because i love him so much already.

just testing out room service at the hospital, that's all

Yesterday evening I had a small fall on the stairs. (I know, I know...be more careful...don't carry Little Guy down anymore...Hubby has already said it all!) I didn't fall very far at all and I landed on my back but my doctors office had me go in to the hospital to be checked. I went into observation and their standard rule is 4 hrs of monitoring for any 3rd trimester falls.

Everything looked great, Babytwo is active and has a great heart beat. But during the last hour of observation I started having medium strong contractions every other minute. They decided to admit me to monitor overnight, put me on an IV and ran some tests. All the tests came back fine and overnight the contractions slowed to a more normal non-labor rate. Everything looked so good they discharged me earlier than planned this AM and yea! I'm home now.

For the next few days I'm to take it easy, and if contractions pick up again I go back to the hospital. But for now everything is looking good!

the bottom stretch

I cannot believe it's the 3rd trimester already. I cannot believe that the time until Babytwo gets here is now measured in weeks. I cannot believe that Babytwo is so big now that he exceeds the paper ruler I'd been marking his length on.

I'm kind of sad that this pregnancy, probably my last, is winding down.
I'm anxious to hold my Babytwo and see him for the first time.
I'm a bit scared of the stresses and challenges ahead of us.
I can't wait to see Hubby hold his newborn son, to watch Little Guy grow into his job of big brother.

It's all so very very soon! :)

ah, pregnancy!

Yesterday morning I had noticeable, uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions. It brought back nice memories of Little Guy's birth -- distant memories of walking hospital halls with far worse contractions. Been a long long time since I felt those!

Then sometime last night I began to get that uncomfortable feeling like my lungs just don't have enough room to properly breathe. I huff and puff just going up and down the stairs sometimes. I'd forgotten about that!

The cherry on top is a developing love-hate relationship with sleep. As in, I would love to sleep 20 hrs a day. I hate not being able to sleep on my back and now that I've gotten larger it's getting harder and harder to be comfortable in any position, no matter the pillow configuration. The ratio of sleeping to not-sleeping is shifting. And this time I know...it will only keep shifting and not start turning around again until BabyTwo starts sleeping through the night, many moons from now.

I'm not complaining here, I'm observing. Observing with no small amount of joy and anticipation.

I settled on 2 day choices for our scheduled c-section and yesterday my mom bought her plane tickets for being with us through the big event.

I had a few extremely productive days this week when the need to nest overcame the need to sleep and I got a tremendous amount done. Babytwo's bassinet is sitting in our room waiting to be assembled. The changing table has been moved in there and awaits stocking. I need to go buy drawers so I can start unpacking all of Little Guy's baby clothes. I spend what seems like vast amounts of time onine selecting with great care which baby gear we need.

My mind is filled with preparing for an enormous and wonderful life change that is now less than 12 weeks away. We are SO not ready!

p.s. - I am freaking enormous! I cannot fathom how big I will be by the time this is done...

music to our ears

Babytwo is lookin' good!

a new year update

The holidays
It was great seeing everyone for Christmas, being in old familiar places, and seeing sunshine and blue skies again. The price of all this was a whole lot of driving thanks to our airport shutting down all flights. Little Guy handled all the car time (14-15 hrs each way) better than I would have ever dreamed but the drive home was really, really rough. Portable DVD players are worth their weight in gold. And in the most desperate of times, in the darkest of hours, mini chocolate donuts can really make a toddler a much happier person.

The pregnancy
As recently as our drive home I was puking on the side of the road in the freezing cold (needed to stay awake so no nausea meds) but I am doing much better now. I've been off nausea meds for 5 days now and I think I'm going to make it this time. I'm a lot more energetic in my waking hours without the meds, thats for sure. Sleeping is getting rougher and I miss being able to lay on my back. A lot. But I'm managing!

The baby
We had some ultrasound findings that while statistically are probably nothing, still have to be checked out so we will be visiting a perinatologist in a few weeks. In the meantime I'm trying not to worry and to be reassured by the stats. Also we're trying to agree on a name for BabyTwo. I feel we're not far off, but who knows? He's been kicking a lot and hubby finally got to catch some good ones the other day.

The big brother
He really enjoyed seeing everyone at Christmas, too. He remembered exactly where his grandparents kept all the good stuff thats the most fun to get into. He's been especially clingy with me lately. On the one hand it's very sweet and warms my heart. On the other hand I want to foster more independence now so it doesn't sting so much when the baby comes. I love my cuddle time with him and don't want to lose it, but he simply will not be able to sit on my lap or be held all the time once BabyTwo arrives.

The Hubby
He recently found 2 of his 3 tackle boxes that have been missing since the move. His dad also sent him home with a zodiac boat and is currently repairing a motor for it. Now if his favorite fishing spot would open back up he'd be set!

the big ultrasound

Tuesday was the big, long awaited ultrasound when we got to find out BabyTwo's gender.
BabyTwo is probably our last child, and there was no denying which direction my hopes were in. Here's a hint: we had a lovely girl name picked out, and not even a list of boy names under consideration. I may or may not have already picked out a variety of pink and purple nursery items I wanted.

Fast forward to the appointment. The technician puts the sensor to my belly and within literally seconds of the image popping up I had an excellent full frontal view and my answer. What are the odds? I mean, what a coincidence that the technician just happened to set the sensor in just the right place, with the baby moving just the right way, that it was plain to see immediately. I waited a few seconds to see if the technician would say anything before I said, "I see boy parts there don't I?" She hadn't even been looking there yet, but indeed it was a baby boy! I then got to enjoy an extensive viewing of my littlest -- ultrasounds are so cool!

So I started my life in all female household and now it will be me and my boys! I can continue saying, "How are my boys?" when I get home. And I get to pull out all Little Guy's old blue stuff and imagine another darling little baby boy filling it.

I have made Little Guy take an oath to give me granddaughters and plan to make BabyTwo do the same. So the awesome girl name and the dreams of shopping for pink and purple are not entirely gone ;)

Here is my handsome littlest guy...

a light at the end of the tunnel

In this past week, the 17th of my pregnancy, I found myself feeling a lot better. Much less nauseous, much more hungry...my pregnancy weight loss program may finally be coming to an end! I felt so good in fact that Monday night I decided to not take my nausea medicine at bedtime. The next 24 hours were some of the worst yet. So lesson learned: I take my nausea medicine at bedtime...I feel pretty good the next day. I guess it really has been helping! In any case it is truly wonderful to have a degree of normalcy back.

on silence

I'm still here...just still not feeling well. Turns out the miracle morning sickness cure only works some of the time. It's all I've got so I'll take it! In the mean time I'm feeling a lot like a chronically ill person. And I am soooooo sick of it. I know I was miserable and puking with Little Guy, too...but I just don't remember it sucking this much. Back then I held out the hope that it would probably end with the first trimester. It didn't, and I fear that is the case this time too. That I'm going to keep feeling like crap for the next 4 months.

So if I've been silent it's because I'm making a dedicated effort to not whine. Or at least to reduce the amount of whining.

I'm making a dedicated effort not to let the ickiness win. I'm trying, really trying, to power through and get things beyond the bare minimum accomplished during the day.

I expect that this will probably be our last pregnancy. I can't imagine going though this again with two children to take care of.

In other news, I've been on pins and needles waiting for our first ultrasound which will be this Thursday. My Grandad is a twin, and I have been paranoid that we might be doubly blessed. It's probably just simple paranoia...but I will not be terribly surprised if it's not. God be with us.

i'm baaaackkk

I feel like a normal person again for the first time in weeks. Turns out that Unisom + b6 = miracle morning sickness treatment. A million thanks to my doctor for sharing this secret with me....

all i want...

is someone (not my hubby, he's got his own job to do) to come change all my son's poopy diapers, prepare all the meals, do all the laundry and clean the house. just until the morning sickness passes in what will hopefully be just a few more weeks and not several more months. ugh.

Here we go again...

It was looking like I might get off lucky this pregnancy, but alas my old friend morning (afternoon and night) sickness is back in town. In one way it is reassuring...I definitely feel preggo now!

i can reveal this without guilt now...

Woo-hoo!