Party of 4

I can't write about just one of my baby boys' arrivals, now can I?

Little Guy had been a c-section, so Baby Boy's story starts off with a decision: VBAC or not to VBAC? Some people who end up having c-sections feel robbed of a natural birth experience but I am not one of them --I never felt a burning desire to try for a VBAC. Aside from which, my doctor and his 30 years of baby delivering experience had said that the likely culprit for my first c-section was the size of my pelvis. My anatomy hadn't changed since the first baby so I wasn't optimistic there would be a different result the second time around. Additionally, I had a friend who had tried for a VBAC and ended up having a c-section. She told me how much she regretted even trying for a VBAC in retrospect - how it just added anguish, exhaustion and recovery time to the inevitable for her. I didn't want to make the same mistake.

So a scheduled c-section it was to be then. One of the perks of this was that we had the luxury of picking Baby Boy's birth day. We were given a few days to pick from in the correct time period and we selected 5/4/9. The tipping factor for me -- it's a mathematically correct date! Hubby requested leave from work and my mom bought her plane ticket.

One month before the scheduled c-section Hubby's best friend flew up for a visit. The day of his arrival I ran around doing last minute preparations and in my haste I slipped going down the stairs in our house and fell on my back. My doctor sent me to the hospital to be checked and once there I started having regular contractions and earned myself an overnight stay in the hospital. I remember thinking -- well, if Baby Boy comes today his birthday will still be mathematically correct -- it was 4/5/9. By morning the contractions had stopped, though, and I was discharged.

My mom flew up a week before the c-section. We went on a trip to the zoo while Hubby was at work, but other than that I was all business. With my mom there to watch Little Guy I was finally able to finish getting everything ready for Baby Boy and for the other impending company. My mom kept telling me to sit down and rest but I had too much to do and hardly any time to do it.

On Monday May 4th we checked into the hospital at 9am. This hospital was much nicer than where I had Little Guy, and our room was enormous. I changed into a hospital gown, Hubby changed into scrubs, we signed some paperwork and before I knew it the time had come to go to surgery. That was a shock for Hubby and I - how quickly it was go time. I guess on some level we'd been expecting a long wait since with Little Guy we were at the hospital 23 hrs before I went to c-section.

I walked into the operating room and sat down on the operating table. The spinal sedation was administered (no ringing phones this time) and everything was calmly and methodically being set up around me. Hubby was again right at my side and we were both anxious and excited. My anesthesiologist was a lady this time, and she helped pass our idle time by showing us pictures of her dogs on her cell phone. My doctor and another performed the surgery. The other doctor commented on how thin I had become, how my belly was all baby. (7 months of morning sickness will do that to you!)

The surgery got started and both doctors noted how nicely my last c-section had been done and asked who had performed it. When the time came to remove Baby Boy he did not want to come out. He was up under my rib and I was jerked around on the table while they worked to get him out. But out he came! Like before he went to Hubby first who brought him for me to see. Amazing! Then, like before, off went Hubby and baby while my surgery proceeded. I think I remained conscious this time, though, since I vaguely remember waiting while they worked.

This time I was reunited with my baby much faster, and Hubby and I had some time alone with him. Later in the afternoon my mom brought Little Guy down and we were together as a family for the first time. It wasn't quite ideal -- Little Guy did not want to have anything to do with Baby Boy and wouldn't even look at him! Little Guy just wasn't prepared for the expansion. He focused very hard on his toys and tried to pretend Baby wasn't there. A few days at home together brought Little Guy around, but in the beginning he just wasn't into it!

We were now a family of 4. There would be challenges ahead but our hearts were filled with joy and love.

the new days dawn

Baby Boy is 9 months old now and the baby days are dwindling. No longer does he lay in my arms, cushioned on a boppy, to dine in peaceful bliss. Now he sits on my lap cuddled against me to gulp down a bottle. We managed to eek nursing out to 9 months just by the skin of our teeth with nursing limited to bed time and night time feedings. As the 9 month milestone dawned it was a push to even get that in. Baby Boy is just done with it and who can blame him? So much work for so little when he's now used to the bottle. It finally has reached that critical point where there's simply not anything I can do anymore, and while it is somewhat sad it is also a relief. Now I can really and truly put it out of my mind.

I am sad to see the end of baby days. The knowledge that this is our last child is never far from my mind when I consider Baby Boy's development. Part of me wants another baby very much, but part of me also realizes the insanity of it. I can't go on having babies forever and ever. The end comes eventually, and logically for a lot of different reasons this is a good time to stop. And before I feel too sad about no more babies, I remind myself how lucky I am to have had 2 babies. We have close friends with very imposing fertility challenges and they would trade much to be blessed with even one baby.

I am so happy about the days ahead and where Baby Boy is now. For one thing, he's almost entirely out of our bed! YAY! In the end that transition was not nearly as difficult as I feared. Baby Boy is rolling all over the place and getting into everything. He can sit himself up and he lunges forward on all fours -- crawling is imminent! I am a baby food chef once again and Baby Boy enjoys his real food very much. And he's talking a bit! He says mama, dada and hi. Sometimes as mere babble, but often in the correct context. He's blooming and it's a joy to watch.

Little Guy is growing too. He started preschool last month and loves loves loves it. When he started preschool we became aware that Little Guy wasn't talking as much as the other children his age. We had him evaluated by a speech therapist and it turns out he is a bit behind so now he goes to weekly speech therapy (I am reminded of the mother of a college roommate every time we go).

Little Guy is also mastering tricycles and the art of brothering. (For instance: Step 1, you help your baby brother sit up. Step 2, you push him over and laugh as he weeble wobbles onto his back. He laughs, too, because he's so happy you're "playing" with him. Step 3, you get a time out because Mommy is a killjoy.) He does sweet stuff, too. It so adorable to see him hugging and kissing on Baby Boy. And they look pretty darn cute in the bath together, where Little Guy helps wash Baby Boy with a wash cloth.

Little Guy is excited to show off his knowledge of colors, shapes, numbers, letters and many letter sounds. He sings to us Old MacDonald, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABC song. He loves 2 obnoxiously loud toys that he got for Christmas. I'm seeing the merit of my stepmoms rule for childrens toys -- no toys that require batteries! He loves them so much though we hate to take them away. Hubby took one apart and muffled the speaker so it doesn't drive us quite so insane at least.

Our boys are truly remarkable. I thank my lucky stars for them everyday. And for Hubby, too, of course.

Greetings from the other side!

So now we are 4 not 3! We have our second son, henceforth Baby Boy. Baby Boy is healthy and handsome and I strongly hope to post his birth story...someday.

I am back in Newborn Land again. It is joyful and it is demanding...and it is a bit guilt ridden. Life sure has changed for Little Guy, and a drop off in my time and attention has been impossible to avoid. He copes pretty well most of the time but I feel horrible. I tell myself it won't always be this way. Newborn days don't last forever...there will someday again be more time for sleep, more time for Little Guy, more time for myself...someday. That knowledge has made for a big difference for me this time around.

Now at the 6 week mark, we are still figuring things out. If having a child is learning to juggle, having another is like throwing a several extra balls into your juggling act.

My days are lived in 3 hr cycles centered around baby feedings. We had breast feeding issues...again...but I'm hanging in there. Sometimes by just my claws. It's going much better than it did with Little Guy, but it's still a challenge.

I make sure both kids eat and keep them in clean diapers and clothes. I keep them safe and out of trouble, coax them into naps (sometimes with one of them kicking and screaming). I am getting better at getting dinner on the table most nights now, too, even if the meals aren't what you would call gourmet. I get the dishes done and the bottles with all their pieces (from formula supplementing) cleaned. Most days now I don't forget to make Hubby his pbj lunch and set the coffee to come on for him. Probably 3 out of 4 days I am able to get at least a quick shower, get dressed in street clothes, and get us all out to the park or to run an errand. It doesn't sound like much, but every single day I am unquestionably maxed out.

Having Hubby's help has been huge. I cannot imagine how I could do this if we were living apart half the week like when Little Guy was a newborn. He has risen to the challenge and picks up slack wherever he can.

I forgot how incredibly stressful it is when your baby is crying. But I also forgot how wonderful little babies smell. And how precious their little hands and feet are. I do love my Baby Boy so! And my Little Guy, too...I can't believe how big he's gotten lately. At first I thought it was just my faulty perspective after spending so much time with a little baby, but it's been confirmed by others. .

Well, I' m giving myself a gold star for being able to type this much while I nurse Baby Boy...but times up. gotta go!

the bottom stretch

I cannot believe it's the 3rd trimester already. I cannot believe that the time until Babytwo gets here is now measured in weeks. I cannot believe that Babytwo is so big now that he exceeds the paper ruler I'd been marking his length on.

I'm kind of sad that this pregnancy, probably my last, is winding down.
I'm anxious to hold my Babytwo and see him for the first time.
I'm a bit scared of the stresses and challenges ahead of us.
I can't wait to see Hubby hold his newborn son, to watch Little Guy grow into his job of big brother.

It's all so very very soon! :)

cuteness

Little Guy has about 20 stuffed animals, but only a few that he allows in bed with him. Mostly just one - his doggie. Try to put any others in and he is compelled to drop everything and go evict them. If some helpful person helps him with the evictions and throws his doggie out too, he exclaims "Uh-oh!" and runs to get him. As he picks him up off the floor he asks, "Are you ok?" before hugging him. It's possible that the helpful person in question repeats this process many times on purpose because it's so cute.

a new year update

The holidays
It was great seeing everyone for Christmas, being in old familiar places, and seeing sunshine and blue skies again. The price of all this was a whole lot of driving thanks to our airport shutting down all flights. Little Guy handled all the car time (14-15 hrs each way) better than I would have ever dreamed but the drive home was really, really rough. Portable DVD players are worth their weight in gold. And in the most desperate of times, in the darkest of hours, mini chocolate donuts can really make a toddler a much happier person.

The pregnancy
As recently as our drive home I was puking on the side of the road in the freezing cold (needed to stay awake so no nausea meds) but I am doing much better now. I've been off nausea meds for 5 days now and I think I'm going to make it this time. I'm a lot more energetic in my waking hours without the meds, thats for sure. Sleeping is getting rougher and I miss being able to lay on my back. A lot. But I'm managing!

The baby
We had some ultrasound findings that while statistically are probably nothing, still have to be checked out so we will be visiting a perinatologist in a few weeks. In the meantime I'm trying not to worry and to be reassured by the stats. Also we're trying to agree on a name for BabyTwo. I feel we're not far off, but who knows? He's been kicking a lot and hubby finally got to catch some good ones the other day.

The big brother
He really enjoyed seeing everyone at Christmas, too. He remembered exactly where his grandparents kept all the good stuff thats the most fun to get into. He's been especially clingy with me lately. On the one hand it's very sweet and warms my heart. On the other hand I want to foster more independence now so it doesn't sting so much when the baby comes. I love my cuddle time with him and don't want to lose it, but he simply will not be able to sit on my lap or be held all the time once BabyTwo arrives.

The Hubby
He recently found 2 of his 3 tackle boxes that have been missing since the move. His dad also sent him home with a zodiac boat and is currently repairing a motor for it. Now if his favorite fishing spot would open back up he'd be set!

catching up

Last week we flew down to Berkeley for our Dave Matthews Band show and I thoroughly enjoyed our time. These shows are indescribable magic to me. They always have been. With LeRoi gone it is different -- I actually fought off tears when his sub started playing his part on the first song. But the magic is still there. Especially enjoyable at this amazing venue. Exponentially more wonderful with my husband beside me equally enraptured. It was hard to cut it short after just one night, but work is work. 16 hours later we were back in Oregon and hubby was back at work. In my old mothery age it is pretty much impossible to get in the 6+ shows/year of my youth. That makes these single tastes all the more sweet.

totally psyched

yes, just yesterday i was crying about the move. but that was then and this is now. the tide has turned and now I am SOOOOO excited about it!

this morning hubby and i figured out he has only 2 more commutes away from us before the move. 2 more horrible sad goodbyes. thats it!

whenever i get all pitiful about leaving i just have to remind myself how much this situation has sucked, how horrible it really has been...especially for hubby. but soon soon soon that will be a thing of the past!

awesome, awesome and awesome!

hallelujah

After dedicating every free moment of about the last 30 days to it, Husband finally has his car put back together and running. Husband does look hot in his mechanics coveralls and all, but these 30ish days have sucked for both of us! I pray pray pray pray that the next car maintenance occasion is far off...

the days of dada

Little Guy is finally saying Dada on a regular basis! He's been able to say it for some time but has seldom uttered it. He was waiting for the right time to whip it out, I guess. Little Guy has been clingy and going through stretches where he wants me, just me...so "Hi, Dad!" is just the sweet sound that Husband needed to hear !

oh my

right after the 1st birthday bash my most wonderful hubby surprised me with a plane ticket to go visit one of my dearest friends in Sandy Eggo this weekend. i'm very excited, but i'm honestly not 100% looking forward to it. it will be the longest i've ever been away from my baby, by far, and i get sad and start missing him every time i think of it! but i know i'll have fun and i'm very thankful for this wonderful surprise...