baby fever

Ever since Madelyn was born all I can think about is babies! Ok...so that was only a few days ago. But long before that I was thinking about being pregnant again. It wasn't pointless fantasy -- hubby and I had/have a plan to get preggo later this year. I was mentally preparing myself for it.

Since seeing and holding a newborn it's been different.

Part of me has been balking at the idea of trying to raise 2 children. I would think back to how hard it was with Little Guy and imagine the responsibility of having a newborn and an older child at the same time. It seemed difficult beyond my capabilities.

But I had an epiphany of sorts this weekend: it would not be the same as when I had Little Guy.

The ways of babies are no longer strange and mysterious to me. I am well practiced at the baby arts - burping, feeding, diapering, rocking to sleep.

When I held my newborn Little Guy the task of caring for him seemed all consuming. When I held newborn Madelyn I realized that newborns are simple. Which isn't to say that the constant sleep deprivation isn't insanely hard to handle. Little Guy was a horrible napper, which meant Mommy didn't get much sleep.

I just can't help thinking that with all my Little Guy experience I would be so much better at it all now. That maybe it *is* feasible.

I'll hear from Nicole soon and she'll tell me that I'm full of crap and it's insanely difficult.

But for now the fever rages!

"If you've seen one placenta you've seen them all!"

On Friday afternoon I got to witness something really truly amazing -- the birth of my best friend's daughter.

My baby was delivered by c-section so this was in many ways a completely new experience.

When I arrived at the hospital it was 11 a.m. and Nicole was dilated to 5 cms (out of 10 for you newbies). She was having contractions and they were no joke, but she was handling them very well. I b.s.'d with her and her husband in between contractions ("New rule: shut up while I'm having contractions!").

By 11:30 she was pleading for an epidural. There was only one anesthesiologist and he was busy with a c-section so she would have to wait. Every contraction (and they were coming fast) Nicole asked about that epidural and we would keep telling her "Just 20 more min....just 17 more min..."

The nurse (who could do nothing to make the anesthesiologist come faster) hid at the nurses station. I went down to the gift shop and bought Nicole a small stuffed cat that I named "Labor Kitty" for her to squeeze instead of her husband's poor hand.

I should point out here that this was an induced labor -- Nicole was given a drug (Pitocen) that makes contractions come hard and fast. I have heard more than one Lamaze instructor (who are huge supporters of natural and drug free labor) admit that because of the nature of a Pitocen-induced labor an epidural is desirable.

In movies they always make labor scenes comedy. But the truth is that when the end stages are reached there's very little that is funny.

By 12:30 Nicole was begging pitifully for the anesthesiologist and I wanted to cry for her. I kept hoping that drug doctor would show up soon to make it all better, but Nicole already suspected something the rest of us didn't -- it was too late.

The anesthesiologist was finally on his way, but while the nurse readied the room Nicole admitted that she felt like she had to push. A quick check revealed that Nicole was fully dilated and past the point where an epidural could be administered.

Nicole didn't take the news well -- who could blame her?

Soon the doctor came in. "Don't cry," he said, "Have a baby!"

At 12:45 she started pushing, her husband holding her right hand and I holding her left. After just 5 min of pushing the doctor held up her baby girl!












I had no idea what would come next. I'm sure back in my own preggo days I knew...but the data has since been purged.

Nicole still had the placenta to deliver. I don't think I knew that this was nearly as painful as the main show itself. Sighs of relief -- it's all over. But no...here comes the 3rd circle of hell! Nicole needed stitches. Still all natural, no drugs. Imagine pushing a needle through the skin on your hand right now. Now imagine it's not your hand. Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow ow.

And then it was done.

A very lucid Nicole held her sweet gunk-covered little baby on her chest. They would have let them stay that way but after a little while Nicole became worried the baby was cold. They took the baby, cleaned her, weighed, measured and swaddled her before handing her back to mom.

As they cleaned up the room one of the nurses offered to show Nicole the placenta and she said "No thanks -- you've seen one placenta you've seen them all." Back to her good humored smart-ass self.

What an amazing 2 hours.

seriously

dearest amiga,

i love you! you are truly a wonderful person and i have been so blessed to have you in my life. but seriously...

quit picking assholes to be involved with. it does not matter if underneath it all they have a heart of gold. they are assholes and you will never change them.

let go of the exes. i won't pretend to know how painful this last break up was for you, but you are only drawing out the pain...

quit swimming in sadness. there are horrible things in the world. i don't need you to explain that to me. i don't need you to try to make me feel it. my empathy skills are just fine, thank you. i just don't need to "go there" over every single tragedy that i brush up against.

[sigh]

i don't believe that a word of this would actually get through to you. you would only be hurt and more sad and probably extremely pissed off at me.

you are a good girl...i just wish you could be happy!

things change

sandy eggo was fun...but revisiting that life was strange. that old way of life fits me about as well as my pre-baby pants do (some parts better than others, and with some discomfort). it's not just that i'm a mom now...it's also that i'm married. i have never been so uncomfortable going out in my life as i was when we hit the gaslamp ! i felt like an old lady with my shirt all buttoned up just praying nobody would hit on me.

that might sound a bit ridiculous but most of my years living and going out in sandy eggo i was single, and my old partner in crime still is. Plus, she attracts a steady stream of male attention...which i wanted nothing to do with!

SOOOOOO.....i would love to go to sandy eggo and go out on the town again...but next time my dear husband must come!