tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3556111600838036232024-02-07T13:14:05.097-08:00mama of the valleyraising boys and reading booksmama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-50389497617102960332022-08-19T07:36:00.003-07:002022-08-19T07:36:40.307-07:00The Ferryman by Justin Cronin<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61282437-the-ferryman" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px;"><img alt="The Ferryman" border="0" height="222" src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1659983263l/61282437._SX98_.jpg" width="146" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61282437-the-ferryman">The Ferryman</a> by <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/45315.Justin_Cronin">Justin Cronin</a><br />
My rating: <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4930007922">5 of 5 stars</a><br /><br /><i>
I received an advance copy of The Ferryman in exchange for an honest review.</i><br /><br />The characters in The Ferryman captivate from the outset, drawing the reader into the mysteries of Prospera. While some themes are recognizable from Cronin’s previous works, new thought-provoking ground is covered as well. This mind-bending story flies along with action and delivers reveals that satisfy. Five stars for another gripping tale from Cronin.
<br /><br />
<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/13247605-krysta">View all my reviews</a>
mamaofthevalleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04429587980390233840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-17004632093464476592016-10-14T07:19:00.001-07:002022-08-19T07:40:05.342-07:00Review: Curse on the Land
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28953491" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px"><img src="http://images.gr-assets.com/books/1459397931m/28953491.jpg" border="0" alt="Curse on the Land" /></a>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28953491">Curse on the Land</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/234115">Faith Hunter</a><br/>
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1770580889">5 of 5 stars</a>
<br /><br />
I enjoyed the start of this new series so much I was delighted to have the opportunity to review an advance copy of the second installment. I was far from disappointed with Curse on the Land. Nell Ingram is charming and funny, a survivor we can respect. In a Yellowrock world where so much is comfortably familiar, Nell's powers are fresh and intriguing. True to the previous works of Hunter this story runs dark, gruesomely so at times, but this Soulwood series retains a hopeful quality. I could hardly put this book down -- overall, a very enjoyable read.
<br/><br/>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1770580889">View all my reviews</a>
mamaofthevalleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04429587980390233840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-10743209464279416832016-10-06T15:53:00.001-07:002022-08-19T07:40:14.745-07:00Review: Once Broken Faith<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15748538" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px;"><img alt="Once Broken Faith" border="0" src="http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1465851186m/15748538.jpg" /></a>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15748538">Once Broken Faith</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2860219">Seanan McGuire</a><br />
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1350616119">4 of 5 stars</a>
<br />
<br />
Once Broken Faith offers another entertaining addition to the October Daye franchise. My only tiny complaint is that it doesn't feel like there has been much progression of late to the overarching series plotline. I fear that at some point the hijinks of the October Daye bunch will grow old if that isn’t soon tended to. That day isn't yet here, however, and fans of the October Daye series won't be disappointed in Once Broken Faith. <br />
<br />
(Disclaimer: I received an advanced reading copy in exchange for an honest review).
<br />
<br />
<br />mamaofthevalleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04429587980390233840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-3593644608435235802016-10-05T15:54:00.000-07:002022-08-19T07:40:24.624-07:00Review: All the Little Liars<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28220808" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px;"><img alt="All the Little Liars" border="0" src="http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1455970182m/28220808.jpg" /></a>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28220808">All the Little Liars</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17061">Charlaine Harris</a><br />
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1694888251">4 of 5 stars</a>
<br />
<br />
This was a pleasure to read. The modernization of Roe's world takes nothing away from the original charm of the series and Roe remains delightful. <a class="jsShowSpoiler spoilerAction" href="https://www.blogger.com/null">(view spoiler)</a><span class="spoilerContainer" style="display: none;">[ The plot "twist" is rather obvious but I suspect purposely so. Having some idea who the culprit was helped take the edge off what could have been a very dark tale. <a class="jsHideSpoiler spoilerAction" href="https://www.blogger.com/null">(hide spoiler)</a>]</span> All in all, another outstanding serving of comfort reading from Harris.
<br />
<br />
<br />mamaofthevalleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04429587980390233840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-1444115019363698662016-09-20T07:42:00.001-07:002016-10-06T15:58:13.542-07:00Review: Truly Madly Guilty<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26247008" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px;"><img alt="Truly Madly Guilty" border="0" src="http://d2arxad8u2l0g7.cloudfront.net/books/1467061262m/26247008.jpg" /></a>
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26247008">Truly Madly Guilty</a> by <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/322069">Liane Moriarty</a><br />
My rating: <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1763163189">4 of 5 stars</a>
<br />
<br />
The first 2/3 of this story progressed slowly. The set up for the story and the big reveal of what happened that fateful day becomes hand-wringingly agonizing. As always, Moriarty's story packs an emotional punch -- I don't value a book that's merely depressing and upsetting and that is not what this book is, although there are certainly stretches that are both. You might be able to pin down the events of this book in a nutshell but this is a beautifully complicated story about many things -- motherhood, friendships, marriage, healing, guilt and how we survive our parents shortcomings, both large and small. I could go on and on. The last 3rd deserves 5 stars but it felt like work to get there so we'll settle on 4.
<br />
<br />
<br />mamaofthevalleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04429587980390233840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-74236337077970290932016-01-05T12:14:00.000-08:002016-01-07T12:16:29.688-08:00Play Ball! Part 2: Lessons from Moriarty<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d2/a4/9e/d2a49ef55d113cb05a36738a61214571.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d2/a4/9e/d2a49ef55d113cb05a36738a61214571.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
This past year I read a good book by Liane Moriarty. Actually I read every book by Liane Moriarty after being wowed by <i>Big Little Lies</i>. The story relevant to this discussion, however, is <i>What Alice Forgot - the </i>tale of a woman with amnesia who finds herself jumped forward in her life 10 years, sorting through what her life has become and struggling to understand how she has come to be where she is. As she picks up the reins on the life of her older self she is at times dumbfounded by the choices she seems to have made, by what she has allowed to happen. Without great thought she acts to corrects Older Alice's blunders. After a single afternoon watching her oldest child's misery at sport practice she removes the child from the team. She will [spoiler alert] remember it all. She will recall why enforced sports participation seemed like a good idea; however, in that moment it is a simple straight forward matter and it is obvious what needs to be done.<br />
<br />
I am not sure when I let youth sports become My Battle. I am sure of one thing, though -- it is a simple straight forward matter and it is obvious what needs to be done. Yes indeed, Mr. Gaiman, <i>Alice </i>did provide not just an escape, but a meaningful and educational one.<br />
<br />
<span class="">This past Fall my youngest played youth football and my oldest sat with me on the sidelines. The world did not end. He chose to try soccer instead where he had fun and struggled. At times the struggling outweighed the fun. His particular place on the autism spectrum means he has many real challenges to success with physical activities. Now that he is getting older he is actually noticing, "Hey! Everyone else is doing better than me!". He feels the frustration of working just as hard as everyone but yielding poor results.</span><br />
<br />
Physical activity is still important. I'm not giving him permission to do what his heart most desires and become a total couch potato. I am acknowledging, however, that baseball with all its fine motor intricacies is not the smartest place for us to put our energies. And I know that my younger self would say, "Duh."mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-81583018050171952612015-05-18T09:14:00.000-07:002015-06-14T09:42:11.531-07:00Play Ball! Part 1I've always wanted my boys to play sports. I watched my little brothers grow up playing soccer, baseball, basketball and football with my dad as their team coach most of the way. I still have the trading cards of my little brothers in their first years of little league, little guys holding up little bats and looking more adorable than there are words for. I could probably recite by heart my father's speeches on the benefits of team sports and I will admit that he convinced me long ago.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can remember trying to engage Little Guy with ball play and how, from very early on, he struggled and quickly lost interest in trying. I didn't know then what I know now - that simple things are often not simple at all for him. I didn't know that it was extra difficult for him to plan and execute body movement or that he experiences double vision and has difficulty tracking moving objects. With those barriers success with balls is pretty hard to get to.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Last season when I signed him up for Little League, I knew. I knew it would be hard for Little Guy and I knew it was likely to not be a successful run. My dreams aside, I probably wouldn't have even tried but for one very important reason -- Big Boy. Big Boy who is smart and funny and typically developing and enjoys playing ball. Big Boy I knew could be successful at Little League and I didn't want to deny him his chance at it. And Big Boy was not going to want to do it unless his big brother was doing it, too.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So with great trepidation and some hope I signed them both up for T-ball and it was...just fine. At that level the kids are little and they're all learning. Some kids have more skills than others but there are plenty of tikes out there who aren't great. Little Guy couldn't throw or catch well but the same could be said for other teammates. The coaches were supportive and everything was good humored. Little Guy was challenged in many ways and if he didn't bubble over with excitement to be playing baseball he did enjoy many parts of it and had some great experiences.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This year has been different. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
By the time the season even started he'd taken a few balls to the face in the process of trying to teach him to catch. This year before the season even started there was frustration. A year of development and some practice later he has progressed by bits while Big Boy's progress is more significant. Little Guy has not yet put together the larger implications of a kid 2.5 years younger out-performing him. He just knows that he works hard and his output is not so great. Big Boy works hard and gets a much better result.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And it's not just Big Boy. This year almost all the kids play better. If Little Guy hasn't noticed that I know who has -- all the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends that make up the crowd of spectators at each game. There is more of a competitive edge to some of the peanut gallery this year. They are not flagrantly mean but they get frustrated and say careless things that make me want to slash their tires from time to time. They haven't crossed the line yet but every once in a while they go stand by it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Still, if you set the difficulty of practice aside, both boys enjoy actually playing the game. I ask myself often if I'm doing the right thing pushing Little Guy at something that is so difficult for him. Then I see his grin as he does a little victory dance on first base after hitting the ball. I see him sitting on a bench playing rock paper scissors with a teammate. And I remember that many things worth having don't come easy.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-51264561212443698242015-02-22T09:14:00.000-08:002015-02-22T09:18:24.967-08:00Of Shadow & Stone : They can't all be great books<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://s3.amazonaws.com/netgalley-covers/cover58886-medium.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://s3.amazonaws.com/netgalley-covers/cover58886-medium.png" width="214" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My last three book reviews were glowing and I have to admit it's been making me nervous. It's hard to have credibility when all you ever say is "Great job!" <span style="text-align: center;">The problem is that I hate reading mediocre books and I carefully pick what I spend my precious little reading time on. Hence when I was sent an advanced reading copy <i>Of Shadow & Stone</i> along with works by tried and true favorites it's not really surprising that I got to it last. Eventually, though, its day did come and alas, my 5 star review streak has come to an end.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><i>Of Shadow & Stone by </i>Michelle Muto is not terrible. I've read worse. I've read worse just this year. </span>Most of the book feels like a better than average set up for a new series. The main characters, <span style="text-align: center;">Kate and Ian, are likable and Shadow Wood is mysterious and intriguing. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;">This story suffers from </span><span style="text-align: center;">premature resolution unfortunately. By the end everything is tied up neatly. Too neatly, too </span><span style="text-align: center;">soon. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;">Fantasy writing requires a certain amount of world building and back story in an </span><span style="text-align: center;">introductory piece -- the author is giving us a new world and we must be made to understand it. A </span><span style="text-align: center;">certain amount of character casting is also required -- the author is giving us new characters </span><span style="text-align: center;">and we must be made to care about them. It feels like Muto was just accomplishing those two </span><span style="text-align: center;">things when suddenly everything is fixed and the story is done. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;">Of Shadow & Stone gets many </span><span style="text-align: center;">things right but ultimately doesn't live up to its promise. </span></div>
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-88603661287706598842015-02-19T18:19:00.000-08:002015-02-22T09:19:11.963-08:00Skull Throne : more great reading<span style="font-size: x-small;">I received an advanced reading copy of <i>The Skull Throne</i>, the 4th book of Peter V. Brett's <i>Demon Cycle</i> series. What follows is my honest review.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9zZJov4cz_PMBQHtzrEmJY-2EwOnOnx6c62hG6Ps5JHGhDo5Jjz5yn-QUN7Ohf6Qvo6LIQjvAl82xoqulXQ4i6EXiVrV_FPAY9LIGp4JIAye0pfliq47cqs6w1KIIWno0QfJ2UE7QrmA/s1600/The-Skull-Throne-by-peter-v-brett-491x750.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9zZJov4cz_PMBQHtzrEmJY-2EwOnOnx6c62hG6Ps5JHGhDo5Jjz5yn-QUN7Ohf6Qvo6LIQjvAl82xoqulXQ4i6EXiVrV_FPAY9LIGp4JIAye0pfliq47cqs6w1KIIWno0QfJ2UE7QrmA/s1600/The-Skull-Throne-by-peter-v-brett-491x750.jpg" height="320" width="209" /></a><br />
My first impression of this book is that it was very, very long. I routinely digest large volumes but this story was just so incredibly big. Fortunately it was equally entertaining.<br />
<br />
As in previous books the point of view jumps around, this time spending relatively little time with the original protagonist, Arlen. Some might find this egregious but the time spent with the other main characters is very enjoyable. The addition of new characters breathes fresh life to the story. Four books and countless pages deep into this story Brett still surprises and delights, still keeps us caring, and still leaves us with great cliffhanger endings. <br />
<br />
This series has grown to remind me of the great work of Robert Jordan. The shifting points of view, the antiheroes, the feminism, the fight for all of mankind -- the <i>Demon Cycle</i> shares much with the <i>Wheel of Time</i>. With additions as strong as <i>Skull Throne</i> I can only that hope that Brett is equally prolific.<br />
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-42241726926038213292015-02-02T14:50:00.001-08:002015-02-02T19:29:31.377-08:00Vision in Silver   starts my literary year off rightI was beyond thrilled to receive an advanced review copy of Anne Bishop's <i>Vision in Silver</i>. Her series <i>The Others</i> stands out as top tier fantasy fiction and this third installment was on my short list of books that I most looked forward to in 2015. <br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_RSOXoV1VFcY_eTV_3ss-Wb5UU1tWAbyrE8AYX02L-Oy8uNFg5O7Ydgzry7tlB6DFkVbe6uvQ95LzTc_E-HtQn9z27xUZnrimZgrOH0VHf04jv17EhSETZalCCdZO9JN-nMHlGltFv-0/s1600/21457243.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_RSOXoV1VFcY_eTV_3ss-Wb5UU1tWAbyrE8AYX02L-Oy8uNFg5O7Ydgzry7tlB6DFkVbe6uvQ95LzTc_E-HtQn9z27xUZnrimZgrOH0VHf04jv17EhSETZalCCdZO9JN-nMHlGltFv-0/s1600/21457243.jpg" height="320" width="211" /></a></div>
<div>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I expected greatness and that is exactly what was delivered. Bishop demonstrates once again that she is a master of her craft. Her world and the characters in it feel real. The things her characters do are believable and the things they say are credible. The conflicts and growing pains they experience feel genuine. The suspense she imbues keeps the pages turning and the payouts she delivers are satisfying. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In this book, as in the previous two, Bishop takes us to some dark places. What stands out about this installment is the feeling of hope. Not hope for a rosey rainbow perfect world where everyone lives happily ever after but hope that good things can happen for our heroes.</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
<i>Vision in Silver</i> is suspenseful, dark, sweetly hopeful, poignant and at times laugh out loud funny. This is sure to be one of the best books this year. </div>
</div>
<div>
<disclaimer: advanced="" an="" copy="" exchange="" for="" honest="" in="" nbsp="" reading="" received="" review.=""></disclaimer:></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-84248785001811163412015-01-21T15:55:00.000-08:002016-09-11T06:00:12.638-07:00Parenting contradiction #2049Part of the job of raising little humans is training them out of bad behaviors and into good ones, or at least attempting to do so. There is a judgement each parent makes with their little ones -- what should be changed? What is fine as it is? It is a troublesome line to walk. On the one hand we as parents want our children to feel completely loved just the way they are while almost simultaneously we press upon them our desire for improvements. It is a curious juxtaposition of "You are so awesome!" and "But let's work on x!". The latter makes a lie of the former, acknowledging implicitly that there is some aspect that falls short of awesome. <br />
<br />
The push for learning and changing is probably part of every parent child relationship but perhaps none more so than in the case of high functioning autistic children. Sometimes their very proximity to the norm increases the ambition to get them there, as if they were a puzzle piece that <i>almost </i>fit. If it was a radically different piece you wouldn't even imagine trying to make the fit, but since it's pretty close you are sometimes tempted to hammer it in.<br />
<br />
I worry about this. Our Little Guy has had so many different kinds of therapy -- all amounting to "learn! change!". It's gotten him where he is today -- able to participate in life in a way not vastly different than his typically developing peers. I see the obvious importance of Little Guy improving basic skills. I hate the message behind it that feels less and less hidden the older he grows. All I can do is keep reminding him that we do love him completely just the way he is, even as we seek to change him.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-65376173980306109222014-12-11T19:49:00.000-08:002015-02-03T17:35:32.994-08:00where art meets heartThis was an epic year of reading for me and it ended on a high note. I had set aside something special that I knew would be wonderful. To put it in terms Hubby would understand, it was like the last chocolate I had been saving, hidden away, and this December it was finally time to enjoy it. The "it" in this case was <i>Fool's Assassin</i> by Robin Hobb. Technically it's the first book of a new trilogy, but in reality it's the 7th book to follow this set of characters and the 10th book set in this particular fantastical world. While <i>Fool's Assasin</i> starts a new story these characters are old friends.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.robinhobb.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/US-cover-Fools-Assassin1-197x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.robinhobb.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/US-cover-Fools-Assassin1-197x300.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
[Read no further if you wish to avoid spoilers]</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So far our hero has faced war, assassination plots, witches and dragons. This 7th book finds our hero now facing...the reality of having a special needs child. Yes, there are still dragons, murders and other intrigue, but the primary drama of the majority of this book is the relationship between our hero and his youngest child, Bee. Bee, who from the beginning is different. Bee who finds eye contact difficult, who is over-sensitive to stimuli, who develops speech late, who perceives the world around herself in such a different way than other children. She is not autistic, she is magically extraordinary in a different way, but Hobb makes her as close to a spectrum child as possible. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I expected an excellent addition to the fantastical story of Fitz and the Fool and I was not disappointed. I did not expect to find an insightful and heart-rending account of both what it is to be the parent of a special needs child and what it is to be that extraordinary child. Epic fantasy meets autism in a meaningful and thought provoking way. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This book has earned a very special place in my heart. That one of my favorite authors took one of my favorite characters and explored what it means to be the parent of a non-typical child and what it's like to be that child -- it is an unexpected gift that I treasure beyond words. As the parent of a special needs child I feel like she nailed down many different aspects of it. I simply love this book.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-75736590374449972722013-08-22T07:36:00.000-07:002013-08-22T12:24:29.958-07:00then one day you are thereDeep into the last leg of my daily drive time I found myself lost in thought, puzzling over the weightier problems in our lives and in the lives of those closest to our family. Stumped, as usual, for answers to most of these problems I started imaging various scenarios where I had a single magical wish and how I would use it. Several delightful scenarios later I started drifting back to reality and I was somewhat startled to realize that in none of these scenarios had I wished my son out of autism -- something that in the past I have spent plenty of time wishing for. On this day, though, when I weighed that idea my gut reaction was, and still is, rejection. The idea of changing who my Little Guy is seems positively revolting. I love this kid the way he is. I love the way his brain works and I wouldn't change what is so deeply a part of who he is. We will continue to work towards growth is specific areas but the only changes I would wish are for improvements in the world around him.<br />
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-77943330743002248482013-05-23T07:38:00.000-07:002013-06-17T10:29:01.686-07:00Good news that makes you want a drink At drop off last month one of Little Guy's teachers casually mentioned that she thought Little Guy was "more than ready" to be successful in mainstream school. His other teacher quickly agreed. "Really?" I asked. "Really!" they said, before proceeding to advise me that he probably would need to skip at least one grade.<br />
<br />
My world was rocked. I can best describe this as "Good news that makes you want a drink".<br />
<br />
Part One of this urge to drink: entering public school.<br />
We had planned on him having another year at his therapeutic school. I knew he was doing well, I knew he had come so far. I also was well aware of the challenges he continues to face. The idea of taking him from his safe little school where he is understood, protected and loved and putting him at the mercies of public education and its special education offerings is terrifying. In summary: "Yay! He's come so far! So now we send him into the jungle and hope he survives?"<br />
<br />
Part Two of this urge to drink: grade skipping? what?<br />
Ok, so I knew that Little Guy's class was a combined class of kindergarten and 1st grade. I also knew that his whole class had finished the kindergarten curriculum earlier in the year. I knew that even earlier in the year they had upgraded Little Guy's language arts curriculum a few times before finally settling on a 2nd grade curriculum that actually challenged him. I knew he was bright, a great reader and could memorize a vast amount of facts about whatever topic currently holding his interest.<br />
<br />
I did <i>not</i> know that he was excelling in areas of academia outside language arts. I did <i>not </i>know that now that he can write easily he whizzes through his schoolwork. Apparently for any given lesson he is typically given twice as much work as any other classmate and he still finishes first. I did <i>not </i>expect to hear that my 6 year old kindergartener should be placed in at least the 2nd grade next year.<br />
<br />
As all this started to slowly permeate my brain I went through the motions to get him started in public school next year. IEPs were scheduled, etc. I worried. Hubby worried. I pulled teachers aside and asked again, "Really? You really think he's ready?".<br />
<br />
I began to allow myself to hope that it was true. As I quietly cursed my way through rush hour traffic in the morning I started to imagine a life where I didn't spend 2.5-3.5 hours driving every day just for his school drop off and pick up. I imagined time not spent arguing with insurance companies. I imagined his younger brother being able to attend the awesome preschool down the road from us and both of them making friends that actually live in the same town as us.<br />
<br />
As I waited outside Big Boy's class with the other parents waiting for our preschoolers to be dismissed I watched the big brothers, fresh out of their 1/2 day kindergarten classes and dragged along to wait. These weren't just any boys, either. These were Little Guy's former classmates, from his somewhat disastrous time in regular preschool. I watched them interacting with each other, running around and playing, a pack of wild little boys giggling and chasing. I watched these boys and I wondered if Little Guy was ready to join the pack, if he could run and play with them now. I worried but I began to hope none the less.<br />
<br />
<i>To Be Continued...</i><br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-1998110619036159332012-10-03T20:34:00.000-07:002012-10-05T07:40:42.522-07:00poof!I spent most of the day struggling with a disappointment. It was one of those disappointments that is connected to a long chain of past disappointments. A minor thing all by itself but connected to that chain my sadness had became a weighty thing. Hubby did nice sweet things to cheer me up that made me smile but the feeling would not stay in my heart. Not yet. I was in a funk I could not get out of.<br />
<br />
I was still wiping away stray tears when I went to pick up Little Guy from school. Then through his open classroom door I spotted Little Guy walking to me, a grin on his handsome little face. *POOF!* My heart lifted. Just the sight of him and his joy dispelled my gloom and made me okay again. He's a magical creature, my son. Both my sons.<br />
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-39291995037262866332012-10-02T17:48:00.000-07:002012-10-05T07:10:01.543-07:00Luxury is...Yesterday Big Boy had a rough night, featuring both fever and vomit. By today he felt a lot better but we were both exhausted and for most of the day Big Boy wanted nothing more than to cuddle on my lap, and only my lap. Today I am thankful, so very thankful, that I was able to provide him time to do just that. Thanks, Universe.mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-43705788295014504182012-09-30T14:46:00.002-07:002012-10-05T13:29:26.091-07:00the other half of my heartI've dedicated the lion's share of my writing here to discussing my Little Guy, and there is good reason for that. The challenges presented by having a special needs child sometimes compel me to <strike>drink </strike>write. I'd like to think I don't just blog to whine, but the truth is that when the good times are rolling I'm far less likely to take the time to write.<br />
<br />
Today it is neither my special needs son nor whining that is burning on my mind -- it is my youngest son, heretofore referred to as "Baby Boy". He is 3 now and insistent that he is neither a baby nor a little boy, but in fact a big boy. I'm going to let him win this one - "Big Boy" he is now.<br />
<br />
Earlier this week I picked Big Boy up from preschool. His teacher dismissed him and he emerged from his classroom like a miniature man in jeans and a little backpack. It hit me, and hit me hard, how quickly his childhood is passing, like sand slipping through my fingers. I feel like we somehow haven't been doing enough. That is one of the beauties of preschool though -- preschool is in many ways a celebration of being little and enjoying all the things that at that age inspire wonder. I am so thankful that Big Boy gets to be a part of that celebration, and that he has this time away from home when he is Big Boy first and not a little brother. He gets to be a shining star, all on his own and it suits him well.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-36342398572679571652012-08-03T14:50:00.001-07:002013-06-24T07:54:31.459-07:00a mirror moment<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am truly thankful to be able to send
Little Guy to a school where he can be supported by specially trained professionals. Yes, we definitely
traded up when we replaced public school with Little Guy's school.
This trade is not without its costs, though, and I'm not just talking
about the finance-straining tuition. I am particularly aware of
those other trade offs as we head into the start of a new school
year. As children everywhere prepare for their first day of school,
as we head towards Little Guy's first day of kindergarten.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Do I even need to say that it is not
the first day of kinder I had planned for him? Let's be honest here –
this first day of school business is a bitter pill for me to swallow.
Not nearly as bitter as sending him virtually unsupported into public special education, don't get me wrong. Yet, all
around me I see other parents prepare to start their children off in
regular school and I know that that prototypical first day of school is not meant
to be for my family. Not this year anyways. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
About a week ago I sat across from my
teenage niece. She is a beautiful young lady with many lovely
qualities, but as I sat across from her it was all I could do not to
<strike>slap he</strike>r say less than kind things to her. Why? Well, it had to do with some of the less attractive
qualities that so often go hand in hand with teenagers. Words like
“spoiled” and “ungrateful” come to mind. You see, my darling niece was alternating
between being royally pissed off and being despondent because she couldn't
have <i>x</i>. My sister was off somewhere quietly weeping, overwhelmed with guilt and feeling like a terrible parent
because she simply could not provide my niece with the <i>x</i> she so badly
wanted.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So there I was, trying to talk my niece out of her pity party. I thought, “What an
ungrateful, spoiled brat you are. Your mother is doing everything,
<i>everything</i>, she can just to give you what you have. Do you
not see how hard she works? Do you not realize that she would
joyfully give you what you wanted if she could? How dare you cry
about how terrible your life is! You have a family that loves you, a
safe home to live in and food on the table. You don't live like a
Rockefellar, nor even like many of your friends, but you have so much
to be thankful for and yet to you it is nothing. Spoiled. Little.
Brat.”
I said none of that, of course. I spoke carefully chosen
words selected to persuade and not inflame.</div>
<br />
Time passed. I
cooled off and tried to remember that I liked my niece. I reminded myself that once, what feels like eons ago, I had been a teenage girl. A spoiled,
ungrateful teenage girl who had taken her own turn making her mom cry. I could distantly remember that girls feelings of entitlement and
bitter rage that life hadn't handed her <span style="font-style: normal;">more</span>.<br />
<br />
It felt startling familiar. I realized that I have
not yet entirely stopped being that spoiled, entitled girl. It might not be
over something as inconsequential as a dress or a cell phone, but I
have been quietly and privately enjoying an ungrateful little pout –
a pout that my son is autistic. I have a wonderful husband and two
adorable sons that I could not love more. Our family has a roof
over our heads and food on the table, but I have been pouting
because others have something different. I will not say
something more, because even in my worst pout I do not imagine my son
as less. But something different, yes, and dare I say it --something
easier. Poor me.
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So what was that I said to my teenage
niece? Something about how plenty of others have it so much worse.
It is certainly true for my family. My son is high-functioning and
everyday at his school I see families with much greater struggles.
Beyond that, I am blessed to have children at all. I know couples
that were not able to conceive, that would have gladly taken any kind
of child God gave them. No, I would not trade my Little Guy for
anything or anyone. So really, what is a regular first day of school? Big
deal. I have the most two amazing boys in the world. It makes perfect
sense that ordinary doesn't suit them.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Thank you to my dear niece for reminding me how unbecoming self pity really is. I guess we all need help snapping out of it sometimes. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-59527278140486101782012-07-15T15:42:00.004-07:002012-07-15T15:46:33.351-07:00under a valley oak<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBVl4qX9MKHdKFmsw05xHaCdZFy4M38eA_LyJnhn6odzlF_tjek_ISLgWfeygtw7yxwsI4DraTWor80QrZk5eP-8Be_B74qkJJ7_Ozo4suPMW-QoP8NAzKJ06tKYz9Gjd-Jvl06Kj6Uls/s1600/P1020241-001-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBVl4qX9MKHdKFmsw05xHaCdZFy4M38eA_LyJnhn6odzlF_tjek_ISLgWfeygtw7yxwsI4DraTWor80QrZk5eP-8Be_B74qkJJ7_Ozo4suPMW-QoP8NAzKJ06tKYz9Gjd-Jvl06Kj6Uls/s320/P1020241-001-2.jpg" width="115" /></a>Fate can be an odd, odd thing. When I was in high school there was this guy. He wasn't in my circle of friends but I knew who he was, just as I knew who many of my classmates were. Years later and many miles away I met the insanely wonderful man who would become my husband. I soon learned that Hubby had two brothers, bound not by birth but by the strongest ties of friendship, and that despite the miles I had put between myself and my hometown one of these brothers was that guy I went to high school with.<br />
<br />
Over the years since I have come to know this brother I gained, to treasure him, and to truly regard him as family. Over the years I have prayed for his happiness, and I have prayed for him to find his mate. So I am not ashamed to say that yesterday as I watched him stand under a valley oak and exchange his wedding vows my heart just about burst with happiness. My dream for my brother has came true. It is so unspeakably good to see him so happy.<br />
<br />
And, no, I didn't give a damn about how hot it was.mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-74838243156491805262012-07-08T08:32:00.002-07:002012-07-08T08:35:09.163-07:00Dear Dearly Betrothed,<br />
Congratulations, you're engaged! Our hearts swell with happiness for you. We are overjoyed that you and your true love are marrying. Of course we will be there. Of course we would love to be in your wedding. Nothing could mar this perfect day!<br />
<br />
Wow, you have an odd way of pronouncing March. For a second I thought I heard you say you were having an outdoor wedding<i> in July</i>. Silly, I know! No one in their right mind wants to be outside in our hometown from May to October. Who would want to put their dearest family and friends through a single extra moment outside in triple digit heat? <i>July</i>! Hilarious!<br />
<br />
Wait....what do you mean I heard you right? You realize that by making my beloved Hubby stand outside in a tuxedo for the length of a wedding ceremony you risk making me a widow, right? And what the hell were you thinking giving us full length bridesmaid dresses? At least you picked short sleeved shirts for our sons to wear as ring bearers.<br />
<br />
Seriously. We love you. So happy for you. But <i>come on.</i> Outside and July shouldn't mix no matter how love addled your brain is. Other betrothed couples, please take note - unless you secretly hate your family and your friends, do not do this to them. And to the TWO betrothed couples that have taken leave of their senses and done this to us - we love you anyways, and will somehow keep our grumbles to ourselves. Hopefully our tears of happiness for you will keep us cool.mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-83351183362204128562012-04-21T11:45:00.002-07:002012-07-08T08:33:34.964-07:00moms day offAfter a sanity bending stretch of time spent alone with the kids I have been given a wonderful gift - a day off. Hubby is responsible for the kids<i> all.day.long</i>. I can come and go as I please and do whatever I like. FREEDOM!<br />
<br />
Too bad this freedom is squandered on me. I spent the first hours of my day off picking up toys and cleaning the kitchen. Because I was too tired to do that last night and I felt guilty handing things off to Hubby in that state.<br />
<br />
Then I left to go workout, leaving Baby Boy screaming for me hysterically. My workout was a fail - some special event had the place a mad house. I returned to find Baby Boy still hysterical about my departure. I calmed him down and slipped away to change clothes, and they went outside to play with Dad. I still feel like the cruelest mom in the whole world. Poor Baby Boy is used to being with me always. It's good for both of us to have this time apart from each other, but it's hard for him and it's hard for me. <br />
<br />
When Hubby has a day off he runs away giddy with happiness to be doing whatever he does. I have a day off and feel sad about being away from the kids. Apparently I have to learn how to exist for small stretches of time apart from my children. <br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-61241574745337554422012-04-12T07:59:00.000-07:002012-10-05T07:08:07.205-07:00bookaholMy preferred method of reading is from cover to cover with short interruptions for food and water. I am not a chapter-a-day kind of person. Or rather, I am not a willing chapter-a-day person. I have small children and usually, to my immense frustration, that is just how it works out. Having a Kindle has greatly improved the situation - Baby Boy can cuddle on my lap, slowly waking up and I can read. When he is older Baby Boy will be a huge coffee drinker but in the meantime he likes 10-15 minutes on Mommy's lap while he adjusts to the waking world. <br />
<br />
Baby Boy is almost 3 now (yeah, he really needs a new blog name) and there are no longer numerous stretches of lap time for feeding and he only needs wake-up cuddles twice a day. Luckily, there is this device called a television and with it I am able to achieve some more satisfying stretches of reading - the entire length of <i>Cars, Toy Story </i>or <i>Lady and the Tramp </i>if I am lucky. I try to use this magical device sparingly, but every so often a long awaited book is released or received. Or it is my birthday week. Or I'm watching the kids by myself while Hubby is on a trip with his best buddies. Since all 3 of these things happened last week I felt pretty justified in deploying the television and it's soldiers: PBS, NickJr and DisneyJr.<br />
<br />
Alas, my birthday week is over. Hubby is back from his trip. I have two <a href="http://www.ilona-andrews.com/" target="_blank">Ilona Andrews</a> ebooks left unread but if I redeploy the soldiers now I will face a severe case of The Guilt. So my bender is over and now I need to be a mature adult and put the books down before my family is forced to stage an intervention. It is back to a half hour a day of much interrupted reading. I'm a pretty fast reader so that should be at least a few chapters a day. Self discipline, I hate you.mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-49480124158112914172012-04-01T14:14:00.004-07:002015-02-04T17:51:07.964-08:00It doesn't get easyIt's hard to believe it's been an entire year since Little Guy was diagnosed with autism. We have come so far and I'm so happy with our progress. Our efforts of aggressive intervention have paid off with encouraging growth in Little Guy's development. <br />
<br />
Although it is barely spring, I have been preoccupied with Fall and the upcoming school year. Little Guy will be starting kindergarten and there are some decisions that must be made. He can continue at the specialized private school where he has made such wonderful progress, or he can attend public school and be in a more mainstreamed classroom with some special assistance. It is a murky issue, far from settled, and Little Guy's future depends on us choosing wisely. <i>No pressure. </i><br />
<br />
<i> </i>It is also a very emotional issue.<br />
<br />
At some point every parent probably has to let go of what they thought their child's life would be. For some families it might be finding out their child hates sports although they are a passionately sporty family. Or maybe it's the boyfriend, girlfriend, college or career they choose later on. We love our kids, we want them to be happy and we can't help but create dreams about their future.<br />
<br />
I had this dream, no this collections of dreams, about my Little Guy and his first days/years of school. Dreams that were lent rich detail from the time I spent teaching at elementary schools. Letting go of those dreams...difficult is not a strong enough word to describe it. I have to remind myself that there is joy to be found in different dreams. "<i><a href="http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html" target="_blank">Welcome to Holland</a>" </i>continues to provide perspective and solace.<br />
<br />
My Little Guy is amazing as he is. We are blessed and lucky to have him. I know that. But I still struggle to accept him as autistic. I still wish I could change it. I still try to ignore it and resent reminders of it. I still have some work to do.<br />
<br />
On a less self involved note, this has been a year full of crises and
hardships for so many of our loved ones. The list really goes on and
on. The moral, I guess, is "such is life". My sweet Little Guy has a future that isn't exactly what I had planned - oh, well! I just got to this moment as a parent a little earlier than most.<br />
<br />
<i>(c) mamaofthevalley 2005-2015</i>mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-39635656541098033802011-11-27T09:15:00.001-08:002012-04-01T21:14:26.120-07:00how a simple scarf becomes an emotional journeyMy stepmom and I have not always had the best relationship. She has been in my family picture pretty much since always and was an active participant in the acrimony between my parents during childhood. <br />
<br />
The thing is, and this is a big thing, at some point everybody grew up quite a bit. One day I looked at my stepmother and I could see she was not a stepmonster, not anymore, and perhaps never had been. I looked at her and I could see a lady who despite an often cool facade has a very kind heart.<br />
<br />
Last Fall I began to learn knitting and was assigned the project of making a striped scarf. I decided, almost reluctantly, to give it to my stepmom. I could make it in my brother's football colors and she could wear it to his freezing cold games. At first I wasn't sure that I wanted her to have the first thing I ever knit, or if I should reserve that for my mom, a knitter herself. The more I thought about it, however, the more I liked the gesture of it - that it was a way to show something that I had not said.<br />
<br />
So I worked on the scarf. And worked on it. And messed it up and unraveled it and started anew. And didn't like it so started anew again. And in between stuff happened and I really just did not have time to sit and knit. Still every single time I worked on it I thought of her, and I thought of her with love. I knew I was doing something good. Almost a year later I finally completed my project and it was something I could be proud of.<br />
<br />
I drafted a letter to accompany it. Ultimately I took out all the "I forgive you for the past" stuff and left simple words of kindness: I treasured her and was so glad she was part of my family. I realized that in the decades that this woman has been my stepmother I had never said anything like that to her.<br />
<br />
It's so easy to take for granted that others understand how you feel. I'm glad that I, for once, made it crystal clear. Did my stepmom deserve harsh words spoken in distant years past? Probably. But the stepmom I have today was long overdue to receive these kind words and I am so glad I gave them to her.<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-355611160083803623.post-7571776354250459922011-11-10T08:58:00.001-08:002012-04-01T21:14:55.741-07:00I hate you, too!See, I have a little brother who plays Div-1 college football. This means that every Saturday for the past few months I have been able to click on the tv, tune in to a sports channel, and see my brother's handsome face. This still blows my mind, and is simultaneously thrilling and surreal. It is especially awesome since I haven't been able to see that handsome face in person since last Christmas.<br />
<br />
Here is what isn't awesome: seeing Brother Handsome having a bad day. A bad day in front of 60,000 physically present people and an untold number of tv viewers. Seeing a coach screaming at Brother Handsome, seeing Brother Handsome sitting on the sidelines with face in hands and hearing the announcer describe <i>repeatedly </i>how Brother Handsome screwed up. Or how about the headlines that follow in major newspapers nationwide? Good news: Brother Handsome, your name is in almost every major newspaper you've ever heard of. Bad news: they don't have nice things to say.<br />
<br />
It is positively heart-breaking when this happens. It is depressing for the whole family to see Brother Handsome's big dreams turn into this. I have to remind myself that if losing a football game is the worst thing that happens to Brother Handsome then he'll have had a pretty charmed life.<br />
<br />
Still it is sad. And making voo-doo dolls for all those sports writers really digs into what little personal time I have left. Which is why I finally had to step back and be at peace with the fact that when Brother Handsome has a bad week he's going to take crap for it. I can maintain my pleasant and cheery demeanor those weeks by not reading any sports articles. After all, unlike Brother Handsome, I don't have a field to take all my rage and aggression to.<br />
<br />
What I cannot accept is the crap that is still dished out when he is, in fact, having a fantastic week. When almost every major newspaper gives him the props he deserves but a few key publications still give him the most luke-warmish of praise, sprinkled with more back handed insults.<br />
<br />
To those publications, to those sports writers, I have one thing to say: I will <i>always</i> have time for your voo doo dolls.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />mama of the valleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12821753280796249529noreply@blogger.com0