Today my sister had to turn in her letter to the judge for his consideration in sentencing the murderer of her dear friend. I just read a draft of it and have been once again moved to tears.

One of the most horrible things about this situation is the bottomlessness to it. It seems like my sister just moves through one part to the next. Sometimes it easier but then the next part is the hardest yet.

The way the justice part of this drags on makes it far from easy. It's been two and half years and there is still ongoing court time for it. Still testimony. Still being forced to think about and relive the very darkest of times. And as long as it's in the courts still she is sealed to silence outside of the courts.

So she can't talk about it outside of court, but she is forced to think and talk about it for court. How is she supposed to heal, to move on? I hope and pray that this is finally the end of the justice part of this.

one fateful day

One fateful Sunday in January, my older sister came to visit me and to see her newborn nephew. And because she was with us, she wasn't home when a murderer came looking for her.

When I think about that day, that horrible horrible day, what strikes me the deepest is how if things had gone just a little bit differently my sister would be dead. Or a little more differently and no one would be dead.

I really believe that my son saved my sisters life.

I wish that someone could have saved Jamie's too.

justice cont'd

today i am once again outraged. over what? (well, here comes the broken record...) over a murder.

it makes me so sick to my stomach to think of Jaime's murderer possibly walking free, even gaining custody of their children. although this is not a likely scenario, it is a possible scenario now that there will be a new trial.

it makes me sick to think about my sister going through another trial. The enormous emotional cost of it, and the very real danger she will once again be in with her testimony in front of her instead of behind her.

but probably what disturbs me most of all are all the other domestic violence murder victims of the present and future. Our friends murderer was stupid enough, high enough, whatever enough, to commit his brutal crime in broad daylight with at least one witness. but what if he hadn't? what if he had actually put a moments thought into his crime? how are other murderers like him supposed to be convicted if the victim's statements to friends, family, and even the police are to be inadmissible?

how will there be justice?

thank you, world

for convicting jaime's killer of murder 1. thank you, world, for justice for jaime.

and it goes on

Thanksgiving approaches and my big sis is getting ready to take the stand in the murder trial of her best friend. Then just after the holidays it will be her birthday and the first anniversary of the murder - forever linked now. That's bad enough, but let's not forget Best Friends 3 sons, who are now facing their first holiday season without either one of their parents. The waves from one horrible day in January just keep crashing down...

it's a surreal murder

Last January one of my sister's closest friends was brutally murdered by her husband.

Thats the simple and clean way to explain it. The fuller version is this:

My big sister (Big Sis) had a dear friend (DF) who lived in the same fancy apartment complex and they had kids the same age who also were close friends. DF and Big Sis spent time together almost every day -- going for walks and often cooking dinner together.

By the end of last year things had taken an ugly turn for DF at home. DF left her husband and stayed for a short while at the Battered Women's Shelter before fleeing the state with her 3 children in January.

But DF came back to town and arranged to meet her husband at a public restaurant to discuss matters. When their meeting ended he followed her from the restaurant to a nearby bank. As she pulled out of her parking spot to leave he broke out her window, reached in, and shot her 14 (thats right 14!) times.

This story makes me want to vomit. But most of the time I still can't believe it really happened. Or the horror that has followed - first custody issues for DF's 3 sons and now the coming trial. My Big Sis having recurring nightmares of DF screaming in her coffin. And more recently, Big Sis being shown bloody crime scene photos of DF as she gets prepped for the witness stand.

I'm sure that this is real beyond bearing for Big Sis. But I still have a hard time believing that this all really happened. That these things happen, or still happen, to people you and I know and not just to others somewhere else.