Sunday, July 8, 2012
Dear Dearly Betrothed,
Congratulations, you're engaged! Our hearts swell with happiness for you. We are overjoyed that you and your true love are marrying. Of course we will be there. Of course we would love to be in your wedding. Nothing could mar this perfect day!
Wow, you have an odd way of pronouncing March. For a second I thought I heard you say you were having an outdoor wedding in July. Silly, I know! No one in their right mind wants to be outside in our hometown from May to October. Who would want to put their dearest family and friends through a single extra moment outside in triple digit heat? July! Hilarious!
Wait....what do you mean I heard you right? You realize that by making my beloved Hubby stand outside in a tuxedo for the length of a wedding ceremony you risk making me a widow, right? And what the hell were you thinking giving us full length bridesmaid dresses? At least you picked short sleeved shirts for our sons to wear as ring bearers.
Seriously. We love you. So happy for you. But come on. Outside and July shouldn't mix no matter how love addled your brain is. Other betrothed couples, please take note - unless you secretly hate your family and your friends, do not do this to them. And to the TWO betrothed couples that have taken leave of their senses and done this to us - we love you anyways, and will somehow keep our grumbles to ourselves. Hopefully our tears of happiness for you will keep us cool.