Sunday, April 1, 2012

It doesn't get easy

It's hard to believe it's been an entire year since Little Guy was diagnosed with autism.  We have come so far and I'm so happy with our progress.   Our efforts of aggressive intervention have paid off with encouraging growth in Little Guy's development. 

Although it is barely spring, I have been preoccupied with Fall and the upcoming school year.  Little Guy will be starting kindergarten and there are some decisions that must be made.  He can continue at the specialized private school where he has made such wonderful progress, or he can attend public school and be in a more mainstreamed classroom with some special assistance.  It is a murky issue, far from settled, and Little Guy's future depends on us choosing wisely.  No pressure. 

 It is also a very emotional issue.

At some point every parent probably has to let go of what they thought their child's life would be.  For some families it might be finding out their child hates sports although they are a passionately sporty family.  Or maybe it's the boyfriend, girlfriend, college or career they choose later on.  We love our kids, we want them to be happy and we can't help but create dreams about their future.

I had this dream, no this collections of dreams, about my Little Guy and his first days/years of school.  Dreams that were lent rich detail from the time I spent teaching at elementary schools.  Letting go of those dreams...difficult is not a strong enough word to describe it. I have to remind myself that there is joy to be found in different dreams.  "Welcome to Holland" continues to provide perspective and solace.

My Little Guy is amazing as he is.  We are blessed and lucky to have him.  I know that.  But I still struggle to accept him as autistic.  I still wish I could change it.  I still try to ignore it and resent reminders of it.  I still have some work to do.

On a less self involved note, this has been a year full of crises and hardships for so many of our loved ones.  The list really goes on and on.  The moral, I guess, is "such is life".  My sweet Little Guy has a future that isn't exactly what I had planned - oh, well!  I just got to this moment as a parent a little earlier than most.

(c) mamaofthevalley 2005-2015

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