After a sanity bending stretch of time spent alone with the kids I have been given a wonderful gift - a day off. Hubby is responsible for the kids all.day.long. I can come and go as I please and do whatever I like. FREEDOM!
Too bad this freedom is squandered on me. I spent the first hours of my day off picking up toys and cleaning the kitchen. Because I was too tired to do that last night and I felt guilty handing things off to Hubby in that state.
Then I left to go workout, leaving Baby Boy screaming for me hysterically. My workout was a fail - some special event had the place a mad house. I returned to find Baby Boy still hysterical about my departure. I calmed him down and slipped away to change clothes, and they went outside to play with Dad. I still feel like the cruelest mom in the whole world. Poor Baby Boy is used to being with me always. It's good for both of us to have this time apart from each other, but it's hard for him and it's hard for me.
When Hubby has a day off he runs away giddy with happiness to be doing whatever he does. I have a day off and feel sad about being away from the kids. Apparently I have to learn how to exist for small stretches of time apart from my children.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
bookahol
My preferred method of reading is from cover to cover with short interruptions for food and water. I am not a chapter-a-day kind of person. Or rather, I am not a willing chapter-a-day person. I have small children and usually, to my immense frustration, that is just how it works out. Having a Kindle has greatly improved the situation - Baby Boy can cuddle on my lap, slowly waking up and I can read. When he is older Baby Boy will be a huge coffee drinker but in the meantime he likes 10-15 minutes on Mommy's lap while he adjusts to the waking world.
Baby Boy is almost 3 now (yeah, he really needs a new blog name) and there are no longer numerous stretches of lap time for feeding and he only needs wake-up cuddles twice a day. Luckily, there is this device called a television and with it I am able to achieve some more satisfying stretches of reading - the entire length of Cars, Toy Story or Lady and the Tramp if I am lucky. I try to use this magical device sparingly, but every so often a long awaited book is released or received. Or it is my birthday week. Or I'm watching the kids by myself while Hubby is on a trip with his best buddies. Since all 3 of these things happened last week I felt pretty justified in deploying the television and it's soldiers: PBS, NickJr and DisneyJr.
Alas, my birthday week is over. Hubby is back from his trip. I have two Ilona Andrews ebooks left unread but if I redeploy the soldiers now I will face a severe case of The Guilt. So my bender is over and now I need to be a mature adult and put the books down before my family is forced to stage an intervention. It is back to a half hour a day of much interrupted reading. I'm a pretty fast reader so that should be at least a few chapters a day. Self discipline, I hate you.
Baby Boy is almost 3 now (yeah, he really needs a new blog name) and there are no longer numerous stretches of lap time for feeding and he only needs wake-up cuddles twice a day. Luckily, there is this device called a television and with it I am able to achieve some more satisfying stretches of reading - the entire length of Cars, Toy Story or Lady and the Tramp if I am lucky. I try to use this magical device sparingly, but every so often a long awaited book is released or received. Or it is my birthday week. Or I'm watching the kids by myself while Hubby is on a trip with his best buddies. Since all 3 of these things happened last week I felt pretty justified in deploying the television and it's soldiers: PBS, NickJr and DisneyJr.
Alas, my birthday week is over. Hubby is back from his trip. I have two Ilona Andrews ebooks left unread but if I redeploy the soldiers now I will face a severe case of The Guilt. So my bender is over and now I need to be a mature adult and put the books down before my family is forced to stage an intervention. It is back to a half hour a day of much interrupted reading. I'm a pretty fast reader so that should be at least a few chapters a day. Self discipline, I hate you.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
It doesn't get easy
It's hard to believe it's been an entire year since Little Guy was diagnosed with autism. We have come so far and I'm so happy with our progress. Our efforts of aggressive intervention have paid off with encouraging growth in Little Guy's development.
Although it is barely spring, I have been preoccupied with Fall and the upcoming school year. Little Guy will be starting kindergarten and there are some decisions that must be made. He can continue at the specialized private school where he has made such wonderful progress, or he can attend public school and be in a more mainstreamed classroom with some special assistance. It is a murky issue, far from settled, and Little Guy's future depends on us choosing wisely. No pressure.
It is also a very emotional issue.
At some point every parent probably has to let go of what they thought their child's life would be. For some families it might be finding out their child hates sports although they are a passionately sporty family. Or maybe it's the boyfriend, girlfriend, college or career they choose later on. We love our kids, we want them to be happy and we can't help but create dreams about their future.
I had this dream, no this collections of dreams, about my Little Guy and his first days/years of school. Dreams that were lent rich detail from the time I spent teaching at elementary schools. Letting go of those dreams...difficult is not a strong enough word to describe it. I have to remind myself that there is joy to be found in different dreams. "Welcome to Holland" continues to provide perspective and solace.
My Little Guy is amazing as he is. We are blessed and lucky to have him. I know that. But I still struggle to accept him as autistic. I still wish I could change it. I still try to ignore it and resent reminders of it. I still have some work to do.
On a less self involved note, this has been a year full of crises and hardships for so many of our loved ones. The list really goes on and on. The moral, I guess, is "such is life". My sweet Little Guy has a future that isn't exactly what I had planned - oh, well! I just got to this moment as a parent a little earlier than most.
(c) mamaofthevalley 2005-2015
Although it is barely spring, I have been preoccupied with Fall and the upcoming school year. Little Guy will be starting kindergarten and there are some decisions that must be made. He can continue at the specialized private school where he has made such wonderful progress, or he can attend public school and be in a more mainstreamed classroom with some special assistance. It is a murky issue, far from settled, and Little Guy's future depends on us choosing wisely. No pressure.
It is also a very emotional issue.
At some point every parent probably has to let go of what they thought their child's life would be. For some families it might be finding out their child hates sports although they are a passionately sporty family. Or maybe it's the boyfriend, girlfriend, college or career they choose later on. We love our kids, we want them to be happy and we can't help but create dreams about their future.
I had this dream, no this collections of dreams, about my Little Guy and his first days/years of school. Dreams that were lent rich detail from the time I spent teaching at elementary schools. Letting go of those dreams...difficult is not a strong enough word to describe it. I have to remind myself that there is joy to be found in different dreams. "Welcome to Holland" continues to provide perspective and solace.
My Little Guy is amazing as he is. We are blessed and lucky to have him. I know that. But I still struggle to accept him as autistic. I still wish I could change it. I still try to ignore it and resent reminders of it. I still have some work to do.
On a less self involved note, this has been a year full of crises and hardships for so many of our loved ones. The list really goes on and on. The moral, I guess, is "such is life". My sweet Little Guy has a future that isn't exactly what I had planned - oh, well! I just got to this moment as a parent a little earlier than most.
(c) mamaofthevalley 2005-2015
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